Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Studying Human Nature ...
October 7, 2008
Tonight, Phillip and I watched the McCain-Obama debate.
I'm fascinated by the way politicians deal with ugliness by not dealing with it. Obama reaches out and cuts McCain's head off and McCain steps over his own rolling head and levels a stronger attack on a different issue at Obama. And on and on they go ...
Each man speaks eloquently of his good points.
Neither man explains the black marks beside his name.
In politics that strategy proves to be very effective. I wonder if it could be used in family relationships as well ...
I'm a slow learner, but I have many long years worth of good points and black marks behind me now, and I believe when I hurt someone I love, I owe it to them to explain my behavior and my feelings the best I can. If I step on a stranger's toes, I can say excuse me and forget it, but with close friends and family I'll explain myself all over the place. They're worth the effort.
It's especially damaging when communication between family members ceases, for without explanations and effort - from both sides - understanding isn't possible and closeness is lost forever.
But ... closeness may not be as desirable to others as it is to me. Perhaps politeness and no one rocking the boat are the two best goals to strive for.
By the time I figure out how to live life, it will be over.
I need to stay firmly focused on Phillip who is the core of my existence ... One son and four daughters I love more than life itself ... thirteen grandchildren and three great-grandchildren ... a brother who - no matter how many times I've fallen - has never once let me hit the ground ... and good dear friends I've cherished for many long years.
With such an impressive lineup of positive influences in my life, why would I waste one precious moment trying to make peace with the two or three people who enjoy making me sad?
Never again will I be so foolish.
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5 comments:
Well, while I don't agree with your particular stated political view here, I SO understand your other words. In the last year, I finally 'cut out' two very toxic people from my life. One was a friend of over 30 years, another one of our sister-in-laws. Both hurt me terribly again and again, especially the SIL. I always forgave. I always went out of my way to make things right again, even if "I" were the one who'd been attacked. I too have a wonderful, loving husband, great children, (no grands yet, but I can't wait) and a host of friends who wouldn't dream of hurting anyone, especially me. I will no longer waste or GIVE any of my time to those who delight causing rifts and dissention. Thanks for the reminder of that.
One of the kids has a baseball bat propped against the wall. I've got my eyes on it. Now, all I need to know are the names and addresses of the three people that have made you sad.
Darling Megan ... I laughed out loud when I saw your comment. You are so fierce and funny.
Thank you for wanting to go to bat (literally) for me, but I think I've finally (after months of caring much too deeply) convinced myself not to give my enemies another thought. They're not worth it. Settled.
Now, let's talk about something worthwhile. Are you writing? You and Kate could both be published writers by this time next year. Easily. Let's get on with it.
Dear anonymous ... Thank you for commenting. I hope you and I both hold firm and refuse to put out good energy on people who truly aren't worth the effort.
Have you noticed, though, how sweet those same people can become when they sense they've gone too far and you're through playing their game.
I've learned from years of experience that it's easy to turn away from people when they're unkind to me, but it's a bit harder for me to hold out against them when they act sweet and try to worm their way back into my good graces.
Is it this way for you too?
My father often said, "Leopards don't change their spots."
Somewhere up ahead I will be tested again. I can be sure of that. I hope I remember well the silly, snide, seventh-grade-mentality they've shown in the past. I hope I remember the hurt and rejection I've felt at their hands. I hope I never give them anything more than cold courtesy in the future.
Once again I am struck by your words to my comment. Oh how my heart aches in just the remembering! I too have been taken in again and again...they realize they have 'gone too far this time' and turn on the sugar. I, trying to be a GOOD person, forgive and try to forget. My husband recently asked me, "How many times are you going to offer yourself so freely for torture?" He's right, and so are you. These people will never again find themselves in my good graces. It even hurts me to say it, but I know it would hurt me much more to allow it to happen again. "Cold courtesy"---I'm with you there. Thanks for your insight.
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